I don't know how I manage to be this insanely lucky...
While doing some server maintenance I accidentally deleted the database that contains my entire blog (yeah, I know) with posts, comments, users, and everything else. Thanks to some incredible stroke of sheer luck, I had a corrupted the volume that my blog was on once before and simply made a new one and copied stuff over without bothering to delete the old one. That old one is the reason I could recover most of my blog (everything up to a couple of weeks ago) and there was only one other post that I've published since then.
Luckily for me, glorious Google exists and their bots had already cached that last blog post, so I was able to recover that one with the aid of Google's cache. The rest of the changes I simply redid manually. The only thing I couldn't recover was the account of the single, solitary user that had subscribed to my blog, so if you're reading this loffeno, sorry!